Grief can be one of the most tragic and traumatic events in our lives. It has the potential of leaving us empty, abandoned, full of regret as we grapple with emotional pain. In 2008 I lost my daughter at 28 weeks old. She was stillborn. It was tragic. We had a son before and we were anticipating the arrival of not just a playmate for our son we (hubby and I) really wanted a girl so we would have a pair.
One Friday afternoon I was teaching a class, when I had a tug of great force in my stomach that instantly brought me to my knees. I did not know what happened but the pain soon dissipated. Later I went home and told my husband what happened and decided I would rest which I did. I soon realised my ankles were swollen. I became increasingly concerned since I had not experienced this with my first born. By the Sunday, my concerned had caused me to make the ultimate decision which was to go to the hospital. At the hospital the rummaged calmly yet frantically around my tummy trying to hear my babies heart beat but to no avail there was none. The midwife brought in some more consultants who did the same thing and then announced that our baby had died. The midwife then said in passing that if I had come on Friday (when I had the tug) there is a great probability they would have been able to save our daughter.
Well as you can imagine, I felt numb from the shock of the loss, burdened with guilt that I could’ve saved my child. Guilt, condemnation and shame whipped me. As I tried to go through the emotional process of putting things in perspective and to face the reality. Since I was at home, days after, I still expected a baby to cry and sometimes even thought I did… went to see in the nursery but…..it was empty. Soon brought to mind numerous questions.
Recently I was reading Isaiah 6:1 as I was preparing to do a message on Glory invasion. This chapter is renowned for the amazing throne room encounter Isaiah had as the glory invaded the temple. However, I could not get over the first seven words in verse one …. The scriptures are describing a glory invasion and yet the mention of King Uzziah’s death seemed important to announce before the invasion.
“In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord sitting on a throne, high and lifted up, and the train of His robe filled the temple.”
This statement is not only telling us when the glory of the Lord invaded but why it invaded. Now interestingly during the grieving process my question to the Lord was WHY? and I believe I am not unique in this. I believe the scripture is clear… before the glory of God can invade our lives something has to die or give. In this case it was King Uzziah. Before Isaiah could only see an earthly king but as he was removed he was able to see a HEAVENLY KING. Whatever, whoever is blocking you from experiencing this heavenly invasion has to go, has to be removed. God does not see things the way we do. Isaiah himself said in chapters 55:8“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the LORD. 9″For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts.…We see our lives here and now. God’s perspective is ALWAYS ETERNAL not temporal.”
I can say having gone through one of the most traumatic times in my life, the death of my daughter has birthed in me a compassion for people that often brings me to tears. Before I would feel pity for others but rarely compassion because life’s hardship had hardened me. Compassion leads you to do something. It could be to stand in the gap, to hold someone’s hands through hard times until they overcome. It birthed a passion to help people know that hard times will come, but it is not your identity it is a road you must cross; do not let it harden you but seek out His eternal perspective so you can gain healing and His direction. Since then I have seen many healed from emotional pain, physical pain, trauma, restored to the glory of God. My encouragement is simple, grieve but know it is just for a season. Look to He who is closest to you in this time (Psalm 34:18) and seek out His eternal perspective for you. He loves you more than you know. Expect HIS GLORY TO INVADE YOUR LIFE like never before. Death is not the end it is the beginning.
WORD OF KNOWLEDGE
1.There are some people reading this and you have lived without a father, mother or husband for sometime. They are physically alive but they are dead to you. I believe the Lord wants you invite Him in that lack and to allow yourself to mourn of the loss of that parent or loved one.
2.There is someone reading who has been so hardened by life’s circumstances and the Lord wants you to bring that disappointment, hurt, pain, rejection to Him and allow Him to show you how to see that from His perspective.
3.There is someone who is reading this and you have been in denial about your loss and is still expecting a miracle. Maybe you have a loved one who has died but you cannot accept it, you are still holding on to them. Maybe their room is still the way they left it. The Lord wants you to release that pain to Him.
4.There is someone who has been asking why did this have to happen? The Lord wants to show you His perspective and heal your heart.